Tut

He wants to take me, bring me to the time of the Great Pyramids
I'll be dressed in gold
and we'll both go down, down, down
life's everchanging corridor
We are invincible
We are amazing
We are a fantastic couple
destined for greatness
We are the stuff of ancient civilisation
the stuff of dreams
We tunnel back through time
Clay falls from the walls
the earth doesn't settle
Can't see in front of us
bits flying
and where'll he take me in these wrteched helicopter flights of my imagination
To be honest,
I'm all about the bits
He's more abot the bite
I want the propellers to Stop chopping in my head
Let me go forward
Let me have my dream

Hush, hold my hand

Amy Redmond (c) 2008

Bath time dearest

For fun
I wash him
Rub him
Giggle drizzle water down his back

Then I pour half a bottle of white spirits over his head

Screams of horror
Panic, fear of blindness, general ding aling alarm

I didn't mean it
I swear
I'm sorry
Oh God
Oh God
Oh God

I sit back, wet handed
confused
It was a mistake
It was
Or?

Later, quite a bit later
Calm arrives
We dry his eyes
and he trusts again

My turpentine valentine
I'm dizzy, greedy for his flesh

I feel treacherous
Because I really do want him dead

Restraint

my dear mr statue
don't make me go after you with a hammer

easy
let me take
you apart
gently
softly
deeply
piece by piece
and put you back together

Day

I slip into my sweet suede ankle boots
and
venture
into town

Night

I pull on my long brown riding boots
and
proceed
in to town

French Polish

A giggly blond Hungarian
paints my nails
while it rains, rains, rains
days have passed
and these white-tipped appendages
have grown and grown
long and tough
like an eagle
a swan
I must
cut cut cut

Adios Enemigo

Slosh, splash, crash.
F*** You

That's how it ended

How had it begun?

A sun-splashed meeting of eyes
street noise, cigarettes
on the chance
out to dance
on the edge

edge of the bed

and down down down
over time time time



things have drowned

drowned

and glugging throat choked hope
has all but expired
from this once hearty happy chest
of precious things

Now

he

loss lost lose me from thee
lost

fumbling,
stumbling,
never willing to learn
anything

not open to amelioration, of any kind

erring

again and again

brassy, brutal,
bad bad bad

an impoverished lost fool in the world
whose own coat is tattered and torn

No more, thanks.
Enough is enough,
I mistakenly thought it was as good as a feast

More of life. please.

I Rock!

I was between a rock and a hard place

Now I'm sitting on the rock

looking back

at the hard place

and thanking my lucky stars

Not a bit

I don't miss you at all,
not one bit
except this bit
now,
I suppose
but
that's really only to tell you
now that I don't miss you one bit
no, not a bit
not one bit
i'm happy to report

Bye bye stolen years

Faye is looking over at me and Adam is squeezing the cat while my sun splashed short-wearing family in the '70s radiates from the fridge door. The sounds, tastes and smells of summer and sand and fizzy orange and a mouth full of sea and the twigs and seaweed in your hair – siren youth, where is it gone? Or is it just around the corner? Always here. I feel its sweet breath on my neck. That neck that would have been snapped so easily. Those stolen years are back. Life's mighty clock's big arm has swung heaving the bulldozed earth aside to let me pass on my way.......

braveheart

braveheart, no heart, all heart
I used to worry when my heart was knocking around in my chest
now I consider myself lucky
big heart
one heart
braveheart
free

my dream of you

I do - and you?
'will you let me in please,' she asked
'why won't you let me in?'
'it's cold out here,' he said
'you wouldn't like it.'
'we can't keep having this with you going out and me coming in
and you coming in and me going out,' she complained (softly!)
he looked at this woman
really looked at her
he looked into her eyes and smiled
he took her by the hand
and held her close
and said absolutely nothing
they breathed together soft and easy

soon they learned to breath the one breath together
My God, it took time
but it was worth it

Not so Short Story (for a blog): The Execution

I am cowering in the hallway. Me and my sisters were in the bathroom earlier, squinting through the leaf-patterned windows, listening to the men’s voices out in the field. The house is dark. Everything is quiet.

All the adults are outside in the back garden and my father is up the field with Peadar Ryan. They have Drum. They have it in for Drum. Drum is going to get it tonight. Me and my four sisters are all in our nighties, wandering up and down the corridor, going in and out of each other’s rooms, not knowing what to do. Where is Sean? Could he be outside begging the men not to do what they are planning? Maybe he ran off. Jumped onto his 10-speed racer and pedalled away in a huff.

There is a lot of talking and cajoling. Perhaps Sean is out there with them? So much talking. Such a build up. It’s making me nervous. Were the Nazis like this at executions?

I’m not sure if I like this house anymore. There is always something to be afraid of. Some drama. Somebody getting hurt. Somebody crying. A week ago, I saw Mammy crying in her room. She didn’t see me. I had gone into the little sitting room next to hers to look through old photographs. I heard her talking on the phone so I carried on poring over the pictures, holding my breath and keeping as quiet as I could.

I was holding a dog-eared shot of Grandad with his greyhounds. He looked so proud. I was always told Grandad was a lovely man. That he was good and fair. I never met him. My parents told me he died young, but my sisters told me he drank a lot and used to get into fights and eventually he ran off to England with some horsy woman. If that’s true, it means he wasn’t such a good man. Or maybe he was a good man but he kept making mistakes. I don’t know. I wish someone would tell me the truth sometime.

I wish I could go up to my parents and ask them straight out about Grandad but my sisters once tied me to the front gates and cycled around me making Indian noises, squawking and squalling. “Big babby tell-tale. Don‘t you dare, or you‘ll get it,” they threatened. They left me there on my own for about three hours. Daddy was at work and Mammy was gone off visiting for the day with her friend Angela. My hands burned. My back hurt. It was cold and I only had a t-shirt on. When my sisters came back, I had lost my defiance and I promised to keep my mouth shut. I would keep their secret.

I am getting used to secrets. Like Mammy crying. I know better than to say it to anyone. Still, I wonder what is upsetting her. Who is she talking to? I sneak out of the room and head for the phone in the hall. Ever so quietly, I pick up the receiver.

“It’s a horrible, undignified way to go, Mrs. Roche,” a voice says angrily to my mother.
“I know, I know, I‘m so sorry,” I hear Mammy say. “Something will have to be done and I‘ll see to it,” the angry man says. Mammy, still in tears, agrees and says not to worry and that it’s been arranged for the following week.

I hang up the phone. It suddenly dawns on me. I know what she means because it is the thing the whole family knows and won’t talk about since the night the Doyles from down the road came up to the house and threatened Daddy. And that was probably Mr. Doyle on the phone.

I remember clearly. We had just finished having our tea. Scrambled eggs on toast. I had moved up to Mammy’s seat while she and the others were clearing away the plates. I was sugaring and milking everyone’s tea and the doorbell rang. Daddy went out. All we could hear was someone shouting at him and it sounded like someone else was crying. Daddy came back to get his jacket and said he had to go. He and Mammy were muttering in the hall. But we couldn’t hear anything. By the time Mammy came back, she was in a foul mood and wouldn’t drink her tea. Nobody said a word and as everyone sat quietly, trying not to fidget and looking at the table, I watched in fascination, as a thin skin appeared on the top of mammy’s tea.

My sisters told me the Doyles threatened Daddy over Drum. They said it was Drum’s fault the Doyles were angry. I am glad I didn’t see them at the door because they are a scary enough looking family without being angry. Mrs. Doyle has a pinched mean-looking face and wheels an old black bicycle everywhere. I have never seen her cycling it. She just likes to carry a bag of shopping on each handlebar and wheel it round all the time. Mr. Doyle works up in the leather factory and nearly all his sons work up there too. They’re real grim looking, with roundy white faces and pigeon chests. They’re big into shooting and I see them going up the road in the evenings with their rifles. They never say hello, just tilt their caps and nod, even the younger one my age. Tough men. I suppose they think they’re real dangerous looking with them rifles. Ever since the night they came to our house, they haven’t walked past. Maybe they are going another way. Or maybe Daddy threatened them back and told them not to walk past our house.

My brother Sean told me, the Doyles are ignoramuses. I had to go and look it up in the dictionary to see what he meant. He could’ve just said they were stupid.

Sean had a fight with one of the Doyles yesterday. I know because when he got home, he came straight into the bathroom where I was trying on Mammy’s old lipsticks and he had to tell me because he had a bloody lip and his jumper was torn. He showed me his back and his belly which were covered in scratch marks. He was so chuffed with himself. He said it was the black-haired one who used to be in his class but left school early to join his older “ignoramus” brothers in the leather factory. He was laughing telling me he “kicked the shit out of him”. He said he had spotted him in the park on the way home and decided they needed to have a little “one-on-one”. I said he shouldn’t be going picking fights and if Mammy and Daddy found out he’d be dead. Sean got really mad and said Mammy and Daddy are just as bad as the Doyles and they have no right to order him to do anything and, anyway he said, that Cyril Doyle needed a good leatherin’. With that, he threw the bloody tissue down the toilet and stormed off in a huff. I looked at the red and white swirling round the bowl as I flushed it away and thought, I hate fighting but I suppose my brother is growing up and becoming a man.

Tonight is a test for my brother. If he gets through tonight, he’ll get through anything. I’m scared though. I don’t like Drum much. I’m afraid of him and he is always half-eating other dogs. There’s trouble whenever Drum is around. But I don’t want Drum dead. Who would ever ask for that only the “ignoramus” Doyles? It doesn’t seem fair. Sean loves Drum so much, and Drum really does love Sean. He’s going to be mad.

Me and my sisters have now moved into the big bedroom at the window. We’re all standing up on the bed trying to see through the trees and out into the field. All the voices have sort of faded and there seems to be a general hush outside. We’re all muttering and whispering and flapping our hands, shishing each other when we think we hear something different. We hear Peadar Ryan, the vet, say something to our father and then suddenly, Bang. Silence.

A howl like I have never heard before comes from the field and the sound of someone running hard and fast. The back door bangs shut, the metal chairs clang in the kitchen and the bathroom door is walloped shut. Inside it gets louder and with the mirrors and windows and bath, there is an echo too. It’s deafening. He is hysterical. At the crack of the gunshot we all scarpered to our rooms and now each of us is lying stiff as a board in bed, joining in with our brother’s wail.

The night is long. Sean stays locked inside for hours, bawling, weeping, then shouting out abuse at my parents who try to reason with him, console him. He won’t come out. Drum is gone.
Hot tears drip down into my mouth and I find comfort in their salty taste.

Fight Words? Fighting Volunteers more like

I've tried to sign up to volunteer a few times now and it seems things are going so swimmingly at Fighting Words that my services aren't necessary until April 29th! Good for them. They're definitely doing something right...

citizen of the world

Yes.

I am a citizen of the world.

You may think it odd
but if you were lucky enough to be a fly on my soul
You’d want to be me. You silly vainglorious fool.

I know I’ve been around for eons
and I’m not the least bit worried about
where I go or when I come

You may be over-ripe and seething
but you’ll have to bear with me as I
Flesh out my own republic,
my field
my house
Myself

You see

I did not kill a baby or maim a child.
I will not kill a baby or maim a child.

So. No more will I do what I am told.
I distrust what I am told.
Do not speak to me of
Hasty land grabs
Tribunal funerals
Citizenry or Politics

When all your sound bites and smart quotes
are poor meat for my famished heart

Hear me
Do you dare
to tell me
to think
what I can think?

Assume nothing. Fool.

(c) Amy Redmond 2004

Virgin on the Rock

A virgin am I to scaling Howth Head
green sea beneath
gulls on rocks squealing
like children when the bell rings

Sink stepping on mattress hay grass
I imagine Jim and Nora and the sex they had.
Transfixed by swishes and squawk, I come to.
'One loose footing and you’re a goner,' my companion warns.

A school group passes, German I think.
I wonder how nervous I’d be bringing youths so high
They fade, we walk, each at our own pace
Breeze brings us along

Ahead in the distance lumbering towards us a large ungainly man
pale-faced perspiring clutching a water bottle
This chap is no veteran
positively sore-thumbish and oozing sleaze

Passing me he leans in close, muttering something about danger
Would I be safe to do this walk alone, I muse
My companion catches up and reckons the fellow reeks of murder
We both agree, we should have pushed him over


(c) Amy Redmond 2005

Middling love on the eastern coast

Did you really want to marry me?
That time in Alexandria
Sitting on the wall, sun-splashed, with the waves crash slapping up against the citadel
Or that time in the Rodeo Bar on 3rd Avenue,
me compulsively shelling nuts,
you drinking 5ft beers
Or in my narrow apartment on 90th street,
me roaring, you screeching and the trucks hurtling past
Or that time in Coney Island both of us pregnant pausing over the untouched borscht
Or by the East River when you scooped your hand up under my dress
and your spectacles fell off
Or on the armchair in the unlit apartment in Queens
with you tasting of doughnuts and ice-cream
Or that time in the seedy mirrored motel where we outdid ourselves and paid by the hour

If I’d have given you the chance, would you?


(c) Amy Redmond 2009

Fighting Words

Turned up keen for the volunteer training and what do ya know? Ol Rodzer himself was in attendance and "talking it up"along with Orla. Fighting Words is a truly great resource.
Everyone is a winner - kids, teens, volunteers, organisers, staff and creators. A great concept.

Following a typical workshop model, we came up with a story about Benny the busdriver but didn't finish it. (Ingredients: Young people, facilitator. illustrator, typist, big screen, extra volunteers) But I want to go back to Benny. I feel a connection with Benny. I care about Benny. I named him and enough people voted for his name so with a show of hands, my Benny was born! He yearns to be a dancer but would be mortified if anyone found out, especially the lads down at the depot. I imagine what goes on in Benny's head. What he dreams of. Wht he does and where he goes. For example, I already know that everyday at 12.30, like clockwork, he lays his sambos out neatly on his lap and expertly polishes them off mid-route so he can slip off to his daily lunch-time dance class with his best friend belly dancer Babushka. He's usually wiping the crumbs from his handlebar moustache around about the time he passes the church on Gardiner Street. It's belly butterfly time now. Nearly at the studio. He pulls in nearby, flicks the bus number to 'As Seirbhis' and off he trots. But oh. What's this today? Babushka is......

And so it goes......

Fighting Words is based on writer Dave Eggers' 826 Valencia originally in SanFrancisco, now spawned to Brooklyn, Boston, Seattle.

the field is within

"Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field; I'll meet you there" (Rumi)

How many have had as much as a glimpse of this field, real or imagined?

I have imagined myself in this field and it felt exactly right. Free. Light. I have been there.
I consider myself lucky... but there is a dark current that rolls across my consciousness from time to time which drowns me. I sink in gurgling wet mud and cannot get over the fence and in at the long green grass. I strive to be in green. Water, water, for my dry throat. It's only the world rattling at my cage. I want to pick a blade and make that glorious grass bugle sound. To be. To see. To understand. Oh Let me speak of things that have been buried in the muddy chest.